why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
