i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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