Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
