You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
kristin has been a bad kristin
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
