Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
