But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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