I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
