I cannot find my penis.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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