so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't notice because vodka
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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