He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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