While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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