So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
