Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
