And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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