Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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