Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
