There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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