Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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