I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
