You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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