A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
