So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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