Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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