Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
