Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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