My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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