he was CRYING into my vagina
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
