Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
