Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
