my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
