btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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