Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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