he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
