I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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