I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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