I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
