I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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