Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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