you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
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I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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