just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
