Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
