Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
