Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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