Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
