Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
