Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
