That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think my moral compass just broke
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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