Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
