Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
