just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think your dad took our porno
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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