Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
