I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
