apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
