Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
