I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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