Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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