he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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