I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just googled if crying burns calories
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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