could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
