ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
