Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
