So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
