I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
