in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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