I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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