Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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