At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
