They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
