I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
