You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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